So there’s a new app out there called “Cleanreader” for people who don’t like writing all that much, by expurgating naughty words (that is to say words that Jared and Kirsten Maughan don’t approve of). Some folks don’t like their writing being altered by this thing, but it is legal. The thing is, back when Thomas Bowlder made Shakespeare safe to read back in the day, he didn’t just barge in and replace one word at a time (despite the fact that his name later came to be synonymous with doing that). Single word replacement just results in too many comical errors, as one finds in the recent biography of Groin Cheney.
The other problem, of course, is that folks like the Maughans, who don’t have much respect for language, aren’t really equipped to come up with good replacements for naughty words – wouldn’t be even if they could come up with a more intelligent replacement method. I mean, check out the list of words and their replacements, here. There seems to be some confusion about what a “bottom” is, for one thing. And more to the point, you can’t replace the tapestry of various words for that piece of the anatomy, each with their own particular flavor, with one word.
But I’m here to help! It so happens that throughout the ages, we humans have come up with all sorts of wonderful words for intimate anatomy, so there’s no need to be so stingy. Just check out Johnathan Green’s various lists – he’s done all the legwork. And wouldn’t you rather read prose peppered with words like “ring-dang-doo” and “Captain Standish” than see nothing but bottoms and groins everywhere?